Most conflict between two people is not a disagreement about facts. It is a collision of Frameworks reading the same moment through different accumulated evidence.
What Actually Happens in Conflict
In a moment of conflict, each nervous system is running its own Framework on the same input. Each is generating meaning, predicting outcome, and reaching for a strategy — all from different histories. The conflict is not about the moment. It is about what each Framework made of the moment.
Why Facts Rarely Resolve It
This is why arguing about the facts almost never resolves the conflict. The facts were never the disagreement. The disagreement was in the layers of meaning each Framework built on top of the facts. Resolution begins when both people can name the layers, not just the facts.
What Actually Helps
What helps is asking, in the middle of the collision, what each Framework read into the moment. Not to relitigate. To locate. Once the two readings are visible to both parties, the conflict often shifts — from adversarial to collaborative, from about the moment to about how the two Frameworks meet.
Two people are rarely disagreeing about what happened. They are disagreeing about what their two Frameworks made of what happened.