Definition
Parenting and repair refers to the well-documented protective effect of caregivers’ capacity to acknowledge ruptures, repair them, and return to attunement — not the impossible standard of never rupturing at all.
Why it matters
The idea that good parenting means never messing up is neurologically false and personally cruel. Repair is where much of the actual attachment work happens.
The Science
Tronick’s still-face research and later attachment work established that even highly attuned dyads spend roughly a third of interactions in mismatch, and that repair — not perfection — predicts secure attachment.
The NSI Perspective
NSI treats repair as one of the most important skills a caregiver, partner, or clinician can develop.
Clinical Implications
Teaching repair — in couples work, family work, and clinical training — is high-yield.
Practical Application
You do not need to be a perfect parent, partner, or clinician. You need to be one who repairs. That is the science.
References
- 1.Tronick EZ. Emotions and emotional communication in infants. Am Psychol. 1989;44(2):112–119.